I don’t remember the last time I cried.
Growing up, I was not allowed to cry. Even when I was a toddler my father used to scold me for crying by telling me, “You should only cry when your mother dies.” That horrified me, but I knew I better be quiet.
I don’t cry, because I don’t want to either disappoint people or show my real self to the world. If I show my real self to the world, I get attacked. It seems people take pleasure in kicking a person who has already fallen.
Today, I just cried for two hours. How good it felt!
I even asked, “God. Why? I know you have a purpose. I understand that you are in control. But I fail to understand the circumstances.”
After crying when I felt peaceful, I thought of the phrase “Beauty from Ashes.”
When I think of ashes, I think of the ashes from cremation or ashes from destruction. Maybe it is time for my past and pain to be put to death. What if a new life and person is being built? Out of the ashes of the past, hope and a new life may spring forth.