Intrusive People who “Help” but Make Things Worse

Ever encountered intrusive people who pretend to care. These individuals want to be there for you. That sounds good except that these certain people are too desperate about helping you.

In reality, they are causing added stress and a nuissance because they make a big deal out of little things and your tragedies. This is at your expense and sanity. When being pushy about “helping,” they leave a mess and chaos for you to deal with in addition to what you are already dealing with.

It’s not about helping or serving someone, but rather about their selfish, unmet emotional needs and insecurities. With that comes seeking attention and affirmation through negative conflict. This is a red flag of emotional immaturity and possibly manipulative behavior. I view drama queens who thrive on negative conflict as  immature, lacking character, or plain trashy! It’s immature and trashy to seek drama for entertainment or boredom relief. I have a hard time giving respect to drama queens. I wish people, especially younger people, would realize that there is a big difference between getting attention versus getting respect.

I have come across these intrusive helper types. When I was younger, I didn’t know how to deal with them. And, some of them are my own relatives. I have relatives who I believe are showing codependent tendencies or have no boundaries. We all have weird family members or people in our lives. It can be very difficult drawing boundaries with older people.

The mantra is: healthy relationships are based on mutual respect. Without mutual respect, a healthy relationship cannot exist.

A mark of emotional maturity is being able to see beyond yourself or a bigger picture of the world. Mature, respectful people do not use other people in their most vulnerable times for their own selfish needs.

Here is one way to test someone’s sincerity. Profusely yet sincerely thank them for offering to help  and then tell them you are doing well and don’t need anything right now. Make sure to mention that if you need help, you will ask them for it.

Then watch their reaction. Normal people will be understanding and respectful. Immature, manipulative drama queens will not like it or may even get more pushy about it. In that case, ditch them. Why even bother?

I also tend to be wary of those want to right away know all about your problems and life issues. The funny thing is that my life isn’t that sensational or full of gossip-worthy things. In fact, my life can be “boring.” Yet, gossipping mouths will always find something or the other to blow out of proportion. I pity them for having nothing else to do with their life and being unable to contribute positively to society.

I do notice people’s conversations. Do they spend most of their time gossiping about others? Here’s the truth: if someone is gossiping about others (even in the disguise of caring), then most likely they are gossiping about you behind their back.

When someone reveals something about another person to me, sometimes I flat out ask, “Why are you telling me this?” Better yet, what always gets them is, “Let me ask her more about it and let her know you told me this…” This gives a clear message that I’m not the one to get involved in drama.

And yes, I like to think of myself  and try to live up to be: a mature, intelligent enough to be capable of more interesting, thought provoking topics, and a respectable person. If I want to have fun, I like to talk about TV shows, events, and laugh with others. Therefore, I have nothing in common with people capable of nothing but gossip and drama. I certainly do think it’s well beneath me, and proud of feeling that way.

8 thoughts on “Intrusive People who “Help” but Make Things Worse

  1. Can I only state what a reduction to discover someone who actually knows what they are discussing online. You need to discover how to deliver a concern for you to gentle and make this critical. More and more people have to see this along with understand why aspect of the tale. I find it difficult to believe you aren’t very popular when you absolutely have the gift.

  2. this is great! Just what I was looking to find. I handled my situation just like you said and yeah, Drama Queen became even more pushy. Well thanks, great article.

  3. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this article. I have been dealing with someone who has EVERY single quality you described and it is the biggest nuisance in our lives. I’ve already tried avoiding this person but it just made things worse because of family ties. The only thing keeping me grounded is that she has no idea that my husband and I are well aware of her manipulative ways. He’s just better at shutting her down. It’s nice to know there are explanations for crazy people like her.

  4. I’m glad my article was helpful. I’m no expert but I have dealt with manipulative and narcissistic family members. Drawing boundaries, especially with older relatives, can be very difficult. I’m always not good at it.

  5. I am so glad to read this article!!! I have experienced this type of personality both at work and with one of my neighbors, I have no desire to expand my friendship with these types of people. They do lack respect for boundaries, respect you , and respect for themselves . Sadly , the intrusive person really want to be liked and popular; they just continue to sabotage themselves.

  6. It really depends on the context, person, and relational history. There is no straight answer. Hard to say unless I know the specific person. If you don’t like something, it’s important to reflect on why it’s bothering you. Gossip is still gossip and can still hurt—whether intentional or not. If it’s hurtful, it’s a good idea to gently let them know. Otherwise, what kind of relationship do you have? Or if they wanna help, redirect them by teaching them or showing them how they can help. It doesn’t have to be confrontational or in your face. It could be something like, “I’m really having a hard time with ——-, it’d be nice if ——–”

    It’s not easy being on that side. I might have been there myself too. Face it, we’ve all done dumb things and unintentionally hurt people. When someone confronts you, it’s important to swallow your pride and, apologize, and try to reconcile as much as possible. However, it’s a 2-way street. I’m not wholly responsible for the person’s behavior and it’s not up to me to “help” or fix the person who may be genuinely trying but not sure how to. Let them figure it out on their journey. I don’t owe anyone anything. Again, it’s about honoring boundaries. My inner circle has gotten smaller as I got older cuz I gave up on people-pleasing. I’m valuing boundaries and self-care more. Call me selfish. But it worked for me. I got too much going on in my life that I prefer to keep things simple and straightforward. I have no answer to your question elisa, other than what worked for me. It may be “wrong” but hey it worked for me.

    Mutual respect is the basis of all healthy, stable relationships. Otherwise, it’s not possible.


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